Talibah Mbonisi writes (excerpt):
. . . In this cooperative framework, both parties also agree to:
- Act in their children’s best interests to minimize any negative impact that the situation could have on them.
- Be respectful to one another, stay constructive in their communication and to act in good faith.
- Disclose all relevant information to the other party and the Collaborative team, hide nothing that could be material to the negotiation and to refrain from using the other party’s mistakes against them.
- Maintain confidentiality

All this cooperation may sound a bit foreign, scary even, at a time when both parties may feel very vulnerable. Still, practitioners suggest that likelihood of resolution extremely high through this process and that it can be shorter, less expensive and lower conflict process the traditional path.

Vanessa McCray writes (excerpt):
But feelings and the family’s future are not to be overlooked. Divorce is a “devastating and emotionally intense time, even if you’ve chosen to use this model,” she said. Franseen acts as a divorce coach who instructs the couple on how to “manage their emotions” so that important decisions can be made. That’s a difficult task for a pair who wants to part.

“Communication skills are a big one, and that is tricky,” she said. “Probably, if a couple had really good communication skills in the first place, then they might not be getting divorced.”

Crafting a settlement together can prevent later disagreements over terms such as a child’s health care or parenting time, experts said. The collaborative method emphasizes that “the family isn’t a failure” and that the divorced couple can still co-parent “as a success,” said psychologist and child expert Ann Marie Love of Traverse City. Her role can be to advocate for the child, help resolve disputes and advise on how to transition from married to single life.

Aleksandra Todorova writes (excerpt):
The goal of collaborative divorce is to avoid that. “In a collaborative divorce, the decisions have to be made by the couple,” Stoner says. The two sides and their attorneys meet together and talk until they reach an agreement everyone deems fair. They agree to provide all information — such as financial records — voluntarily, rather than having their lawyers gather evidence. As a result, collaborative divorce can be significantly less expensive, Stoner says. Costs vary depending on the case, but while a typical litigated divorce could run as high as $150,000, collaborative would be closer to the $15,000 to $20,000 range, according to the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (IACP).

Mark Schlueb writes (excerpt):
“You’re focusing on the children from the start,” she said. “And people who have been through it say they came out with communication skills they didn’t have before.”
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“What makes judges so sad is we see people fighting desperately, but if they would refocus on what’s best for the family, they could find common ground. They’ll spend all their assets on the divorce, and all they know how to do at the end is fight,” she said. “I wish we could change the law so people had to consider collaborative law first, before they came to court to fight.”

Leslie Wimmer writes (excerpt):
In traditional cases “you have mom and dad either going to court or preparing to go to court and more or less preparing to say every bad thing the other parent did, every flaw in their character, every flaw in their personality,” Fuller said. “And they are organizing friends and family to come testify as to the other party’s shortcomings. At the end of the day, it’s a very destructive environment and it’s impossible for families after contested litigation to comfortably function at children’s birthday parties, high school graduations, holidays, sporting events, school events, all of those become uncomfortable for everyone, especially the children.”

In collaborative law, attorneys work with both clients in a room together to focus on the future and work to plan out finances or other complicated issues, Fuller said, adding financial advisers, property appraisers and other professionals often are brought in to help clients work out those issues.

“It’s completely different, instead of focusing on the past, you focus on the future: How are we going to function as a family with our children? How are we going to make financial arrangements work as best as they can?” Fuller said.

Joanne Shuttleworth writes (excerpt):
“It’s not for everyone, but for most people, it allows more dignity and control over the matter,” Rinnie said. “With this process, we can sit down and talk about what a good solution looks like. We can get a result that is better for both parties.”

And that can only be better for children, said Annette Katchaluba, a social worker and parenting co-ordinator with the counselling firm By Peaceful Waters.

How well children recover from divorce depends on how well the two parents can deal with each other, she said.

“Sometimes we help them not be married anymore,” Katchaluba said. “You have to form a business relationship, and the business is the children. We help couples get out of the pattern of conflict.”

Aimee Heckel writes (excerpt):
But the collaborative process seems to be more effective than a judge throwing down the gavel. A 2005 Canadian study showed more clients were satisfied after a collaborative divorce, and that it led to quantifiable improvements in the relationships between the parents, as well as the parents and their children. The study also showed a trend toward greater compliance with child-support obligations and satisfaction with the custody agreements when the resolution was negotiated. Parents reported less conflict and more communication, cooperation and contact in months after the divorce.

Parents who had not negotiated their agreements were more likely to report that the divorce proceedings had intensified their anger. James says collaborative divorces are less stressful.

Tracy Kornet reported (excerpt):
During this process, the husband, wife and their attorneys work together — in private — to find a way to meet each individual’s needs.

“The process is so structured,” Denton explained. “It allows folks to get through and get to the same place so they can make decisions together. It provides an environment where everyone is really motivated to be on their best behavior at a time when it’s sometimes hard to be on your best behavior because you’re so emotional.”
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Denton said choice is one of the key advantages to the collaborative process. The couple has much more control in their family’s fate and their finances — as opposed to involving the courts.

A typical collaborative case might take four months to settle where a family could spent up to 17 months in the court system.